It's been so long and so much has happened...(LONG Post)

I can't believe I have not posted since July. So, I had my blood work done and I have an under active thyroid. Great. So, before we can move along with the process I have to get my thyroid under control. My TSH was at 5.something... anyhow I read that it has to be between 1 and 2. The specialist disagrees. I am put on medication and wait.

I had blood drawn in September and it was lower... specialist says we can try to get pregnant. Wifey and I order sperm and we have our first IUI and BFN. October comes around... our donor had limited supply so we choose another baby daddy. This time we bought 2 vials. I wanted to do back to back IUI's but 2 doctors (at Kaiser) say that it does not really increase the percentage of getting a BFP. So, I decide to do one IUI. The two week wait (TWW) is killer and my period is one day late by the home pregnancy test (HPT) say I am not pregnant... aunt flo comes and we get our second BFN. But we still had one vial left and am excited for November. The day I ovulate happens to be a vacation day and I had plans to shop with my mom. So, Wifey and I go in for IUI #3 on November 4, 2011 and my mom waits in the waiting room. (I had a false positive OPK -- on Wednesday... Thursday an ultrasound where doctor says I look good and should ovulate in 24 hours... Friday another +OPK).

After IUI #3 my mom and I go shopping and that afternoon I have some brown discharge. That has never happened before. Again the TWW was so difficult. I took a HPT at work on 11DPO and a faint line came up... but I did not believe it and went on way thinking I was not pregnant. My period is like clock work 28 - 30 day cycles... usually 30 days. 30th day came... no period - could it be?? After spending time with wifey's God Daughter we went by the dollar store and bought 2 HPT.

The next morning (November 20, 2011) we did one and in complete disbelief it said we were pregnant. I could not believe it. After shock, excitement and nagging... wifey and I went to get a Clear Blue Easy + or - test. The plus appeared. I was still in shock. Monday morning came... it was my day off so I called the doctor's office for a blood test. Had the blood drawn and waited 24 hours. 24 hours later it was confirmed we were pregnant and my beta was in the 150 range. So excited I called OBGYN and I had an appointment on the 5th of December. Again a day my mom and I were going shopping.

I had figured it out that I should be about 5 weeks at my first appointment. We went in and had the lovely internal ultrasound. We saw the gestational sak and the yolk sak but nothing else. The Nurse Practitioner who I did not really care for said it was probably too early and knew nothing about IUI. I was disappointed and thought we'd see more. So I googled 5 week ultrasound and they look like ours. So I was relieved and excited for our next appointment on December 23rd. I was going to see our baby for Christmas.

On December 23rd we went to our appointment full of hope and excitement. The baby grew we saw what looked like a little fetal pole but no heartbeat. The doctor finally measured the baby and said we were 6 weeks which was off from my calculation of 8. The EDD was 8/17/12 but from what I googled I thought the EDD was 7/29/12. I asked the doctor but she knew nothing about IUI and could not explain anything to me. She said she was hopeful since we saw growth and checked with another doctor. He said he saw growth too. I was so disappointed to not get answers and to not see the heartbeat. My heart was sad. But I was trying to have faith that it was just too soon still.

Our third appointment was on January 9, 2012. I went in believing I would see the heartbeat and all my worries would go away. Although my motherly instinct said something was wrong. And sure enough the baby had actually gotten smaller and there was no heartbeat. After consulting a doctor the Nurse Practitioner confirmed the baby had stopped developing and called it a missed abortion. My heart broke in so many pieces that day. My worst fear had come true... we were experiencing a miscarriage.

We were given options and after much thought we went with the D&C on January 12... just 6 days ago. My heart still hurts and I find myself in tears more than I would like... but I know it will get better and I am thankful we get to try again.

So, here we are today... January 18th and I have never wanted my period to come more than now. I believe we have to wait 2 periods and make sure they are normal and I ovulate before we can try... but I am anxious and can't wait to have a healthy pregnancy and bring home a healthy baby!!!

2011 did not start off good... but it got better and we finally decided to have a family. 2012 did not start off well either... but my hope is it will get better and I believe we will be pregnant this year!!

Sorry for the long post... but so much has happened and I needed to share it.