This week is a good week...

I have good feelings about this week!!! Good News was just announced about TV reality Stars Giuliana and Bill Rancic are pregnant!!! I am so happy for them. I've watched their show in re-runs and their struggle with fertility and then her cancer was heart breaking. I am soooo excited for them and wish them all the best. I believe the end of April is going to be a good month!!

Since we are talking celebs... did you hear Megan Fox is pregnant and has anyone confirmed if Drew Barrymore has a bun in the oven? Plus, when is Jessica Simpson going to pop her kid out - she's like 2 right?? She is on celeb that it seems like she's been pregnant f-o-r-e-v-e-r! Maybe she'll have her daughter on my birthday.

 Did I mention it's my birthday this Saturday and I am celebrating my birthday week?? So, far it's been a great week and today I am having lunch with some fabulous ladies, tomorrow I am having lunch with another fab women... she's kinda like a second mom to me and then Thursday I am having lunch with my wonderful cube neighbor!! Plus, my mom bought season tickets to Sacramento Broadway and we are going to see some fantastic shows this next year!! Happy Birthday to me!!! Ya!!! Happy Tuesday!

Monday Morning Happiness

Good Morning Blog World!!! This morning when I logged on I noticed a lot going on in our little corner of the world and I want to take a moment and acknowledge a few. First - CONGRATULATIONS to Shells and Trouble at http://2012aconceptionodyssey.wordpress.com/ who got their BFP last Friday. I am always looking for new blogs and stumbled upon theirs a few weeks ago. Second - I want to wish Lex at http://crazylesbianmom.blogspot.com/ luck and sticky vibes on her IUI today!! Lex will be one week ahead of me in the TWW. I believe I will have my LH surge on Thursday for my IUI on Friday -- secretly I am hoping the my LH surge will occur Friday for the IUI on Saturday because Saturday is my Birhtday and I am turning the big 30.

Last year I made a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 and the first item on the list was get pregnant. Technically, I did accomplish this back in November, but sadly we lost our little peanut. So wouldn't it be wonderful if I got pregnant on my 30th Birthday??? Plus, we would find out on Mother's Day weekend and the baby would be born at the end of January, beginning of February and Wifey's birthday is February. So, I am hoping all of this will lead to the stars aligning and for the egg and sperm to meet this month.

On May 4th we go in for our injectables class. Should things not work this month we've talked about trying this next step next month. I know I said we are going to take a break... but I can not think about taking a break yet... I feel so close to my BFP. I think we should try one round with injectables should this month not work and then re-evaluate. I also have thoughts on 2 back to back IUI's but I want to discuss that later and separately.

Cheers to the start of a great birthday week!!!

Emotions

I know I have talked about this to death on my blog... but it is my blog and it has been a rough couple of weeks. We did IUI #5 on the 30th of March and on Friday the 13th I got my period. I was devastated. I thought for sure that I was pregnant, but I was just playing head games with myself.

We have one more vial left in storage and the wifey has decided we need to take a break after this last try. This will be IUI #6. I never thought we would get this far into the process. But here we are.

Today, I had my clomid check and my follicles all look good. We are going to try something different this round and on the day of my positive OPK I am going to have a ultrasound instead of waiting till the next day.

So we are on to IUI #6 and I have mixed emotions. I have been very sad recently because of this process... the roller coaster it takes you on and the break we may have to take. The thought of taking a break hurts my heart so bad. I've been waiting so long to get to this point and now to be here and then have to take break is devastating.

Well, I need to think positive about this upcoming IUI. Maybe it will work as I should be getting the positive OPK around my birthday and we will inseminate the day before or the day of my birthday and this year is the big 3-0.

Tonight I have acupuncture and tomorrow I start clomid and the next two week wait till the insemination.

Dogs, Acupuncture and Ovulation

Good Morning Blog World!!! Today is my Friday and I can't wait to start my 3 day weekend. I am not doing anything fun... but work has been stressful and I am looking forward to having the day off. Tomorrow I have an acupuncture appointment in the morning. I've not done acupuncture since we tried last October (IUI #2) because of the cost. But my parents so generously agreed to pay and I thought it could not hurt to try it again. I love my acupuncturist and am excited to go tomorrow. Acupuncture is almost as relaxing to me as a massage... almost!!!

Then after the appointment I am going to hang out with my grandmother who has been at my house all week watching Jake because he broke his toe a month ago and two weeks ago decided it would be fun to eat the bandaging off. So, to avoid 9 hours in a cone my grandma has been staying with him. But she is getting ready to have a hip replacement so Monday he will be alone and in a cone.

Besides this weekend potentially being the start of another TWW we are getting a foster dog. Wifey and I love German Shepherd dogs and we got both our dogs from the Greater California German Shepherd Rescue. They are always in need of foster homes and we've fostered once and failed once... so we thought we would try again. We fostered a dog back in May and he was adopted in about 3 weeks of us having him and then we went on to foster Jake in September. We had him for a month and half and after 2 adoption days and little interest we decided he was ours and we could never part with his sweet soul. I never wanted two dogs but Jake was too good to let go. So we failed on our second foster attempt. Roseville only allows homeowners to have 3 dogs and trust me I do not want 3 permanent dogs living with me. The hair is bad enough but I am willing to foster on and off. So we told the rescue we would take another dog. We were suppose to pick him up tomorrow morning but they called and said someone was coming to look at him so they would let us know after the visit in the late morning. Which actually worked out great because I was going to have to leave him right away to go to acupuncture. I am sure if he is adopted we will get a different one.

So, as I said early I've been stressed out. I am under a major deadline at work and have so much to do my head is spinning and then we are getting ready for IUI #5. I should ovulate tomorrow or Saturday. The one thing that stresses me the most with TTC is the timing. I've never charted and strictly rely on OPK's and I am not sure if that is something I should do? I know I ovulate and can get pregnant but the timing always stresses me out. So I am now using OPK and waiting for + to show I am about to ovulate.

Am I crazy or what... getting another dog this weekend, TTC and meet deadlines at work? I hope the stress does not alter my body. I am usually always stressed about TTC but I have been feeling a little more tense because of work. Well, we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Sorry for rambling. I have way too many thoughts in my head.

One last thing before I go... this morning before work I was browsing Pinterest and found this darling picture. I told wifey when we have our baby I am going to have a photo like this taking. I love giraffe's and we already have one stuffed giraffe in the would be nursery waiting for our baby. How precious is this.

Image via Pinterest

You have to have faith

This journey has taught me so much. I have learned I am stronger than I ever thought, I am a private person with my true emotions... sure I cry in front of my family, but my true feelings are stored in a locked bottle deep inside me and that I am fascinated with how our bodies work. I have not learned patience. I am an instant gratification person... when I want something I want it NOW. This process has not worked like that and I tend to loose faith. I get down and wonder if this will ever happen.

Last night while watching "The Little Couple" that I recorded I was reminded how lucky I am to even be trying to carry my own child and that I have to have faith that what ever is meant to be will be. The Little Couple lost their baby late last summer when their surrogate miscarried. They were devastated by the loss but they are willing to try again and our so positive about the process. They are also pursuing adoption as they work with their surrogate. They are such an inspiration to me... they have overcome so much and face more challenges than I can imagine. I admire them so much and wish them all the best in their journey.

Thank you Little Couple for reminding me how blessed I am and that during any journey I need to keep faith and be positive about the what ever outcome life deals me!!!

2 Week Increments

TTC is such a journey and you live your life in 2 week increments. 2 weeks between the your period and the + on the OPK and then the 2 weeks between the IUI and the expected day of your period. It is awful, life during both of these two weeks are a roller coaster of emotions, hopes and dreams.

I did not blog during our last TWW because I was not sure about my feelings or wanting to document that time. I was excited to be able to try again, but sad that we were at this again. I had high hopes for that try considering they say you are very fertile after a miscarriage. Well, it was a no go for us and we are on to round 5 and some days I wonder if I will ever get pregnant. The Wifey is so positive about life and truly lives as the book the Secret describes and would be upset with me over this comment... me on the other hand... I tend to be more negative.

Yesterday, I went in to the RE's office to get my clomid... they want me to continue because they believe I respond to it. I am not sure if I agree but the Wifey is hesitant to try injectables. She does not want multiples and I really can't blame her... that would be overwhelming and really cause a financial burden on us. But I am desperate to get pregnant (maybe that's the problem). I turn 30 next month and have always wanted to have a child prior to turning 30. But this may not be in the cards for me. I truly hope I respond well to the clomid this month. I took it last night and maybe my mind is playing tricks with me, but I feel moody, exhausted and bloated. The hot flashes never went away from last months try.

I have an acupuncture appointment scheduled too for this next round... so my fingers and toes are crossed that I will get my BFP before my 30th birthday. Wish me luck!!!

Emotions

TTC is such an emotional roller coaster.. We are back in the game and I have mixed feelings about it. We bought a new baby dad and feel really good about him. In fact our clinic let's us keep 3 vials in house for 6 months. So, while I hope this go around will be a one hit wonder we did buy 3.

So my period after the miscarriage was right on time and we went back to the clinic to get clomid which is what I took the last time I got pregnant. So on day 3 of my cycle I started it and tomorrow is 14 days. I've been using OPK's but no positives yet. I am thinking Wednesday or Thursday will be our day.

I am having mixed feelings about it... excited and sad. Sad because we should not be at this point already. I should be 4 months pregnant and getting ready to find out the sex of the baby. Excited that I still get to do this and try again. I've decided I need to be EXCITED and ready to make this happen. I know good things are in our future.