Well... the iui (#9) last month did not work. On October 1st I got my lovely period (sorry tmi). I had known it was coming because I tested Saturday and got the BFN. I was so upset. It really hit me hard this time. I feel so defeated.
We decided to try one more time and then save money for IVF next year. So I went in today to get clonus and the doctor found a cyst in my ovary and said we would have to skip this month. Ugghhh a forced break and another month we are not pregnant. This road is a lot harder and sadder than I ever imagined.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The Break is Over
I am a horrible blogger. During our time off I wanted to blog about my life... my wonderful wife, fur babies, family and hobbies. I did nothing. Oh well! The break was great and much needed. To my surprise it went by really quickly.
While on break wifey and I changed schedules... I work days and have weekends off. Wifey now works nights and has 2 weekdays off. Learning to balance this new schedule has been difficult. I took my furlough on a Tuesday in August and we spent a great day in San Francisco. I also got an early anniversary present... The top band to finish my ring. Wifey and I have been together for 10 wonderful years. See pictures below.
Yesterday, we had our IUI. I have no expectations and am trying to stay calm and hopeful but this has been a long road. A year ago this month we had our first IUI... I was so naive and optimistic. This road has made me stronger and reaffirm my want for a child. I know it will happen!
We did have some issues with choosing a new donor. We decided to switch donors after 3 tries (we were using the donor that I had the miscarriage with... we tried 3 more times with him). I had found a great match a few months ago but when I got my period and went to order him he only had ICI available. Kaiser RE only accepts IUI. So the hunt was in... after issues with the website we finally found one we agreed in. He was a known donor which I had originally not wanted but he was everything else we wanted except for reported pregnancies. This concerned me but I bit the bullet and took the gamble. Our donor is intelligent, likes dogs and has some Latin roots (wifey is half Mexican).
So we are in the TWW.
To leave you today... here's my fortune from my cookie a few weeks ago.
While on break wifey and I changed schedules... I work days and have weekends off. Wifey now works nights and has 2 weekdays off. Learning to balance this new schedule has been difficult. I took my furlough on a Tuesday in August and we spent a great day in San Francisco. I also got an early anniversary present... The top band to finish my ring. Wifey and I have been together for 10 wonderful years. See pictures below.
Yesterday, we had our IUI. I have no expectations and am trying to stay calm and hopeful but this has been a long road. A year ago this month we had our first IUI... I was so naive and optimistic. This road has made me stronger and reaffirm my want for a child. I know it will happen!
We did have some issues with choosing a new donor. We decided to switch donors after 3 tries (we were using the donor that I had the miscarriage with... we tried 3 more times with him). I had found a great match a few months ago but when I got my period and went to order him he only had ICI available. Kaiser RE only accepts IUI. So the hunt was in... after issues with the website we finally found one we agreed in. He was a known donor which I had originally not wanted but he was everything else we wanted except for reported pregnancies. This concerned me but I bit the bullet and took the gamble. Our donor is intelligent, likes dogs and has some Latin roots (wifey is half Mexican).
So we are in the TWW.
To leave you today... here's my fortune from my cookie a few weeks ago.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
This is my story...
Wow, it's been a while since I posted. Since my last post we have had 2 more BFN's and we are currently on a break. Over the past year and half I have been reading blogs and comparing myself to the rest of you TTC and what I need to do is realize my story is different from everyone elses. We all have unique stories and they are all different.
Don't get me wrong I am struggling with my story. My heart is broken and I am having a hard time repairing it. I have lot's of anxiety and I worry that my story will never include a child. I need to work on being okay with my story. Today, I am going to go and talk to someone about my story and hopefully get some help -- I need to become okay with my story.
I am not sure what's in store for my future, but I do not believe we are done TTC. We are just on a short break. So while my blog is about our road to motherhood, my road is taking some different directions... I think my GPS is broken!! What I am trying to say is that if anyone reads my blog, please understand that I may post about other subjects for the next few months that are not related to TTC. My goal is to chronicle my road more often than I have been. Well see if I can.
Till next time... safe travels.
Oh, I am on instragram. Follow me -- zoeandjakesmom.
Don't get me wrong I am struggling with my story. My heart is broken and I am having a hard time repairing it. I have lot's of anxiety and I worry that my story will never include a child. I need to work on being okay with my story. Today, I am going to go and talk to someone about my story and hopefully get some help -- I need to become okay with my story.
I am not sure what's in store for my future, but I do not believe we are done TTC. We are just on a short break. So while my blog is about our road to motherhood, my road is taking some different directions... I think my GPS is broken!! What I am trying to say is that if anyone reads my blog, please understand that I may post about other subjects for the next few months that are not related to TTC. My goal is to chronicle my road more often than I have been. Well see if I can.
Till next time... safe travels.
Oh, I am on instragram. Follow me -- zoeandjakesmom.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
BFN #6
So our guy did not get it done!! We got our BFN #6 on the 11th. I took a HPT in the morning and nothing - as white as white can be. Thank goodness I only bought one from the dollar store. I have been sad about the BFN and I am not sure why. I keep thinking about that November morning when we found out we were pregnant and how happy we were. I want that again and I want a baby to stick and grow. I feel very impatient!!! I also can not figure out how to turn off the weekly pregnancy updates I signed up for with Web MD and I am constantly getting reminders that I should be pregnant.
Okay, enough of the pitty party. We have ordered more sperm from the bank and we are still using clomid because I respond well and Wifey does not want multiples. We went back to our guy that got us pregnant -- so hopefully he can do it again??
This road to motherhood sure has taken me on some turns I never expected and seems to be taking a lot longer than I thought.
Well, here's to try number 7... I believe it is going to happen over the holiday weekend. I think May 26th. Man these TWW seem to be getting longer.
Okay, enough of the pitty party. We have ordered more sperm from the bank and we are still using clomid because I respond well and Wifey does not want multiples. We went back to our guy that got us pregnant -- so hopefully he can do it again??
This road to motherhood sure has taken me on some turns I never expected and seems to be taking a lot longer than I thought.
Well, here's to try number 7... I believe it is going to happen over the holiday weekend. I think May 26th. Man these TWW seem to be getting longer.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
6dpIUI - Random Post
I am feeling really random... here are some of my thoughts at 6dpiui
I have no clue what I feel or think about this try -- sometimes I feel at peace and then other moments I am anxious and freaking out. I know my lining was good and I had two good follicles, but this process is all about timing. Then I start thinking maybe we choose the wrong donor and he's just not getting the job done!
I want this so bad and sometimes it seems so unattainable.
Well, at this point I have the usual symptoms that I get each month when my mind plays tricks on me -- full filling breasts, constipation, bloat feeling and tiredness. Oh, the TWW is so much fun.
Tomorrow, we go in for our injectable class. Not sure if we are going to try them next month -- if we are having to try again. If we have to try again, we are going back to our donor that got me pregnant last November and since I did well on clomid -- 2 follicles is good right? Then we may try one more round with clomid.
Waiting and praying.
I have no clue what I feel or think about this try -- sometimes I feel at peace and then other moments I am anxious and freaking out. I know my lining was good and I had two good follicles, but this process is all about timing. Then I start thinking maybe we choose the wrong donor and he's just not getting the job done!
I want this so bad and sometimes it seems so unattainable.
Well, at this point I have the usual symptoms that I get each month when my mind plays tricks on me -- full filling breasts, constipation, bloat feeling and tiredness. Oh, the TWW is so much fun.
Tomorrow, we go in for our injectable class. Not sure if we are going to try them next month -- if we are having to try again. If we have to try again, we are going back to our donor that got me pregnant last November and since I did well on clomid -- 2 follicles is good right? Then we may try one more round with clomid.
Waiting and praying.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Good Weekend, Good Life
I can't believe the weekend is over. Where does time go?? I had a great birthday weekend and my mom and wifey spoiled me!! Heck, my friends spoiled me too. My old co-workers took me out last Tuesday for lunch and we ate at Star Ginger near east Sacramento and I had the to-die for Pai-Thai. It was soooo good. Then Thursday my current co-worker took me to Capitol Garage downtown and it was the best meal I had in a long time!!!
Thursday I got my positive OPK. I am like clock work and lately have been getting them on CD 14. I went in for an ultrasound and my lining was at 11 and I had two follicles - one was 24 and the other was 18. The nurse said everything looked awesome.
That night I picked my mom up for some celebrating -- we did some major damage at the Ann Taylor Outlet in Vacaville. Then we had Chick-Fil-A!! Yummy!!
Friday morning we were up and out the door for acupuncture at 9 a.m. Then the IUI at 11:20 and back to acupuncture. During the post appointment I experienced an overwhelming sense of peace and relaxation with a gold type light/feeling through out my body -- hopefully this meant something good. After acupuncture we went and got pedi's and did a little more shopping before dinner. We ate at Fat's and Roseville and it was by far the worst meal I've had in a long time with mediocre service.
So, my 6th IUI was a day filled with happy thoughts and fun happenings.
Wifey made my birthday special; surprising me with flowers, balloons and bundt cakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes. We went and saw "The Lucky One" -- it was okay and then we had dinner with our friend. Oh, and Jake got his splint off on the morning of my birthday. He broke his toe really bad two months ago and it has been a costly experience.
It was a great weekend -- and in two weeks we will know if this cycle worked. If not we change donors and decide to do one more round of clomid or move on to injectables. I hope we do not have to make these decisions.
To all those in their TWW or newly pregnant -- I am sending positive sticky vibes!!!
Happy Monday!!!
Thursday I got my positive OPK. I am like clock work and lately have been getting them on CD 14. I went in for an ultrasound and my lining was at 11 and I had two follicles - one was 24 and the other was 18. The nurse said everything looked awesome.
That night I picked my mom up for some celebrating -- we did some major damage at the Ann Taylor Outlet in Vacaville. Then we had Chick-Fil-A!! Yummy!!
Friday morning we were up and out the door for acupuncture at 9 a.m. Then the IUI at 11:20 and back to acupuncture. During the post appointment I experienced an overwhelming sense of peace and relaxation with a gold type light/feeling through out my body -- hopefully this meant something good. After acupuncture we went and got pedi's and did a little more shopping before dinner. We ate at Fat's and Roseville and it was by far the worst meal I've had in a long time with mediocre service.
So, my 6th IUI was a day filled with happy thoughts and fun happenings.
Wifey made my birthday special; surprising me with flowers, balloons and bundt cakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes. We went and saw "The Lucky One" -- it was okay and then we had dinner with our friend. Oh, and Jake got his splint off on the morning of my birthday. He broke his toe really bad two months ago and it has been a costly experience.
It was a great weekend -- and in two weeks we will know if this cycle worked. If not we change donors and decide to do one more round of clomid or move on to injectables. I hope we do not have to make these decisions.
To all those in their TWW or newly pregnant -- I am sending positive sticky vibes!!!
Happy Monday!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)