Friday, May 31, 2013


Anyone else struggling with eating. I sure am. I will google something to ensure I can have it (like a sushi roll with only cream cheese and cooked shrimp) everything I read will say its safe so I eat; then later I worry and beat my self up.

Today, I went out to lunch with coworkers and I ordered a well done burger. The burger came and when I cut it in half it was pink. So I sent it back. Came back streaming hot. So I ate. I noticed some light pink in it (no raw spots) but I continued to eat at the end I was so upset I almost had a mild anxiety attack.

This pregnancy thing is a lot harder than I expected; I worry all the time. I worry about miscarriage, what I eat, what life is going to be like, etc.

On another note, while my wifey is happy about this pregnancy she is also feeling some anxiety. Like did we do the right thing and how will our child feel with two moms and will society accept he or she! Plus I think she is also struggling with the fact that its technically not related to get. She had the option and She did not want to be pregnant or to use her eggs. So we always continued with me. I've always wanted to be pregnant. So my wifeys feelings are adding to the worry.

Plus, wifey told her parents today and they were not to thrilled. Especially her mother who claimed this would not be her grandchild. Why was I the one having the kid. Her dad asked why we did not adopt so it would both be equally ours.

It's hard for me to see this perspective since my parents have been supportive. Plus, my dad is not my biological father; but he is in every form my dad... heck I even act like him. I do not believe blood makes you a parent or a grandparent.., love does. I just wish my inlaws or my mother in law I should say could understand this. I know it upsets my wife and it upsets me. I hope once the baby gets here she will feel differently. 

Ok enough rambling... Just had to get this off my chest.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

10 weeks

We are 10 weeks tomorrow and today we had an ultrasound. The baby is measuring 9 weeks 5 days. 2 days behind... It worried me a little but the nurse practitioner (NP) assured me the baby looked great!!! 

We saw the heart beating again, little legs and arms and even little fingers. It was so awesome. The NP also let us hear the heartbeat again. At first the baby was squirming around so much that a flat line appeared for a second and my heart dropped but the. She picked up the heartbeat. The little baby was very active today!! Toward the end of the ultrasound she asked if we wanted her to predict the gender... we both said heck ya. From the start I've thought it was a boy. Well guess what she said she thought she saw 3 lines which means its a girl. We won't know for sure for awhile but it was fun to get this prediction!!!!

The NP ordered a glucose test for me... So this Saturday I will be taking it. I really hope I pass so I do not have to take the three hour  test. 

Well, I can't believe we are already this far. I am so excited and still a little scared. But I guess this will never go away... 

In other news I had 5 straight days off and only worked a half a day today. Not really sure how I am going to handle going back. My afternoon naps have been magnificent!! At least it's only 2 full days this week! 

Baby dust to those trying and thinking of my fellow sisters who are growing their little ones!!!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Grow Baby!!!

 We saw our baby for the second time today!!! The little baby has grown so much from last time. The head was clearly defined, we saw its spine, feet and the heart pumping away. The heart beat went from 144 to 176-180!! And the baby was measuring ahead. Seeing the baby is the best!! Our due date on today's picture is Christmas Day!! What an amazing gift! Oh and we have graduated from the fertility clinic. Time to find an obyn.

Also, I wanted to tell everyone I read all your comments and blogs, but I am doing this through my phone and have problems replying or commenting on your blogs... Sorry.

Here's today picture!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms and moms to be!!! I can't believe I am in this club now!! It scares me. I go in and out of excited and scared! I am excited that this little baby is doing well inside of me, scared of making it to the next ultrasound, birth and then taking care of the baby.

I've been having some intense cramps at times and they scare me. But then they are reassuring because I hope they mean my uterus is stretching and this baby is growing. I've been over analyzing everything, including the ultrasound picture... comparing it to others. Will the worrying end???

In other news, my beautiful wife bought me rises for my Mother's Day!! And just for the heck of it... the second picture is of my handsome boy dog Jake!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Best Day Ever

Today's the best day ever!!!! This morning we had our first ultrasound. I was so nervous and literally shaking. The doctor was about 20 min late but we finally got to a room. Everyone keep asking me how I was and I keep telling them we will know in 5 min.

I could not look at the screen at first, I was so nervous and did not want a repeat of the first time. Soon after the ultrasound was in place the doctors said there it Jis and showed us the little flicker. I have to admit its all a blur and I teared up... I remember seeing it but it was a little difficult. Then he measured and technically I am 7 weeks 1 day and the baby was measuring 7 weeks. He the.measured the heartbeat and it was a 144 and then the best sound ever... we heard it beating!!!!

The due date is December 26th and our next ultrasound is on the 21st.

Saturday, May 4, 2013


So the nurse called back and was not concerned about the discharge. Since Thursday I've not really had discharge just brownish tissue when I urinate. It sinks to the bottom and is not very big but it's scaring the shit out of me. Does this worrying ever go away.

This afternoon I meet a friend at an outdoor mall like area for a late lunch and pregnant woman were everywhere. I want so badly to get to that point and have a big ol belly!!

I am still having cramps and they were pretty bad this morning, my boobs feel heavier but they do not really hurt nor are they bigger, my sense of smell is the same, I am tired, and I have had a couple waves of nausea but nothing bad.

Thursday, May 2, 2013


Last night before bed I went to the restroom and noticed a little bit of brown discharge. Got a little nervous. Went back at midnight; nothing. This morning there was nothing. At lunch I noticed some yellow brown discharge on my panty liner and when I wiped. I am freaking out and can't stop the tears. I am so scared. I called the doctor but have not heard back.