12 weeks

These last 12 weeks have been the best weeks of my life!!! Having Dylan has changed everything for the better!! Next week I go back to work and I am not looking forward to it!!! It is going to be so hard to leave my little guy! He brings my days so much joy! 

We've done so much these last couple of months. I am going to miss the Mommy and Me group and our carefree kinda scheduled days!

My boy is so big!! At our last appointment (2 months) he was 14lbs and 24 inches long. He is wearing some 3-6 month clothing, 6 month clothing and 9 month clothing! 

I have so many thoughts in my head that I want to share. Like how I never thought I could love someone so much or that I miss being pregnant and want to go back in time and relive his birthday!! But it's a new season and we move forward into new fun stages! 

Far too overdue update

Wow... time has flown by!!! My son, Dylan, was born on January 2nd at 11:58 pm and weighed 9 lbs 15 oz. he is perfect! Absolutely the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, but I am biased!!! We stayed in the hospital for a little over 24 hours. Going home was a little scary for me... Leaving the bubble of the hospital and all the helpful nurses!

Breastfeeding was a struggle and he was having such a hard time latching, plus he was not getting enough so he was upset and would sit on my boobs for hours! It was such a struggle. A nurse suggested we try a little formula and it helped. Once at home I continued to try but it was frustrating for us both. I broke down and started formula. I was feeling so guilty that I decided I would pump and feed him the milk. I went to see a lactation consultant and she ordered me a hospital grade pump. I also rescheduled the appointment to bring Dylan back in to work on him latching. But then I ended up back in the hospital. 

After my lactation appointment I had an OBGYN appointment because it was hurting so badly to urinate. After a little protesting I gave the nurse a urine sample which actually showed a high amount of protein in it and I had high blood pressure. The poor doctor came into the room to me bawling because I was in pain from peeing,  it had been a few hours since I'd seen my son and I was feeling so guilty about Breastfeeding.   The doctor felt bad because he said I was going to have to go to the ER and that I would probably be admitted for my blood pressure. 

I was pissed to have to go to the ER. I felt fine and I did not want to be around sick people. After about an hour I was finally given a little triage room and the doctor who delivered my son came down to see me. She pretty much confirmed I would be admitted for preeclampsia. The good news was I was going back to the mother and baby wing where I recovered after birth and my son could come and see me.

After being admitted I was immediately hooked up to magnesium sulfate and the doctor confirmed I had preeclampsia post delivery. Great. I was going to have to stay for a minimum of 24 hours. The medicine was awful. I felt fine prior to the medicine but it started to make me weak, I vomited, my vision went blurry and had the worst headache ever. Plus, where they put my IV, it made it very hard to hold my son! I was so thankful when they took me off the magnesium yesterday. My son came later in the afternoon when I was feeling better and I got to feed him twice and hold him.

Currently, I am waiting to be discharged and can't wait to go home. I never really got get settled at home!

Love this little guy!!

It's a...

BOY!!! Wifey and I are having a baby boy. We are so excited. We've had a really long day so I will post all the details tomorrow!!!

26 days since last post and the Liebster Award!!

Lots to share. I can't believe its been 26 days since I last posted. Okay, yes I can believe. This pregnancy has been harder than I thought it would be and I am just plain scared something will happen. So I try not to talk about it!!

 

So first... Thank you to the mommies over at More than Words for nominating my little blog for the Liebster Award!!!

 

For those of you who have never heard of the Liebster Award, it’s basically an awesome way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers (with 200 followers or less) for the contributions they make to the blogosphere.

Here are the rules: 

- Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.

- Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

- Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

- Display the Liebster Award logo.

- No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.

And here are my 11 questions:

1. What is the first thing you noticed about your spouse/partner? Wow... I am not really sure. Wifey is the whole package... smart and sexy. I would say I was first attracted to her personality.

 

2. If you could relive one day of your life, which would it be? The first time I was with my Wifey!! Second would be the day I graduate college... whoot, whoot!!!!

 

3. Dogs or cats? Dogs - 100% DOGS - LOVE German Shepherds!!!

 

4. What is your biggest pet peeve? hmm... stressful people.

 

5. What is your idea of the perfect day? Any day I can spend with the Wifey.

 

6. What is one television show you watch/DVR every week? Law & Order Special Victims Unit

 

7. Are you a saver or a spender? Spender. but my Wifeys ways are rubbing off on me and I am becoming for frugal.

 

8. What made you want to start blogging? I wanted to document this process. Plus when I first looked into starting a family, I read all the lesbian blogs I could find and I hope someday someone who is just starting finds my little blog and finds its helpful!!!

 

9. What is the best movie you’ve seen in the past year? Good question. I really like Zero Dark Thirty. She kicked ass!!!

 

10.  Do you have a signature dish?  If so, what is it? No... I cook pretty simple.

 

11. Favorite outdoor activity? Water skiing. My parents use to have a boat and I loved being on the lake! We no longer have a boat and I hate summer!!!


Okay... her comes the hard part. I am suppose to nominate 11 blogs. But I know a ton of the blogs I read have already gotten this award. So sorry... if you getting again!!

Opening the Door

Two Mommies AND A BABY!

10stix,2weeks,repeat

Our Journey to Become Mommies

theterrellsjourney

LezBmommies

Wiegand Writes

Our Journey to Become Mommies

In Pursuit of Giggles

2 Moms- It can be done!

A Story Of Two Moms

Now for my 11 questions...

1. What has TTC taught you and your partner?
2. Where would you go on vacation if money was not an issue?
3. Do you have pets? And if so what type and their names?
4. Favorite Meal - Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner and what do you prefer to eat for this meal.
5. Fall or Spring?
6. Favorite winter activity?
7. Who has influenced your life the most (family member, friend, teacher)
8. If you could re-do one thing what would it be?
9. How many kids do you and your partner want or are you done?
10. Favorite thing to do on the weekends?
11. Why did you start blogging?


As for life and pregnancy, things are truckin right along. We had another scare this week. Sunday night I woke up about 11 p.m. bleeding. When this happens its so scary. The only good thing is that it was not gushing. So we went to the ER. The doctor was the biggest jerk and he was the Chief of Emergency Services. He told me and Wifey before checking me out that the pregnancy was either ectopic or I was miscarrying. We told him we are 17 weeks pregnant and have seen the baby several times so we knew it was not ectopic. He did a pelvic exam and said it looked like my cervix was closed but it could be opening. He would not do an ultrasound and did not want to call a tech in. So we left after wasting $50 around 12:45 and I was up all night scared that something could go wrong. At 6 a.m I called the line to get an appointment with an OBGYN. We went in at 11:15 and the baby was in there moving and its little heart was beating strong. She checked my cervix and it was measuring 3.6. She could see fluid in my cervix and the internal pelvic showed lots of brown mucus. But she could not say why I bled again. They labelled it again a threatened miscarriage. This has been pretty stressful; I get scared that something is going to happen at any second but I have to keep thinking positive that this little baby is strong and will keep baking away! We go back to the doctor on the 5th and then we go for our big ultrasound for the gender on the 12th. Oh how I can wait.

While, I have not wanted to jinx this pregnancy... I finally bit the bullet and we bought our first piece of furniture. Buy Buy baby was having a great sale on a crib and changing table. But they did not have them in stock so we paid for one of the 4 that were being shipped. A day after paying we got a call they were no longer getting them. I really liked the crib, so Wifey found it on Walmart.com and ordered it. Today she picked it up and tomorrow we are going to put it together.

Also, my belly is getting bigger; I will have to take a picture soon. It is a really strange feeling. I just want to start enjoying this pregnancy.

 

Official

Today wifey and I officially got married. We went to the county recorders office and lucky for us today only they were doing same day marriages. Wifey and I are shy so the ceremony was a little awkward but we are so happy to have our license!!! Everyone should be able to get this piece of paper! I have to admit we live in a conservative area and I was nervous about how we would be treated; but we were lucky and everyone was so nice.

I am still on bed rest. The spotting finally stopped last Friday and I had a good weekend. Still taking it easy. The only thing I've done is going for our license. Over this week I will slowly increase activity. I am nervous about going back to work but looking forward to it! Plus I've noticed my energy is really low from being on bed rest and I need to gain it back.

History

History was made yesterday when DOMA was struck down and the Supreme Court ruled that the Prop 8 case did not have standing; therefore the court of appeals ruling stands.

Living in California this was a BIG DEAL for me and my family. Wifey and I did not get married the first time when they were issuing marriage certificates. But this time we are getting married. We are just waiting for the go ahead. We will not have a wedding but I do not need that. I need equality and the right to marry the woman I love. 

Yesterday was a historic day and a step towards equality for all. I hope we will all have the same rights very soon!!! 

Modified Bed Rest

We are still in the early part of this pregnancy and it has been a wild roller coaster. After Fridays scare we had an appointment with our nurse practitioner (NP) Monday. Our little peanut looked good on the ultrasound and she was not sure why we bleed. The NP put me off work for the week to rest.

After the appointment we had to go to member services to get my FMLA paperwork done. Then we ran some errands. I was on my feet more than I had been all weekend. Well around 9:30. I felt a gush and ran to the bathroom. I bleed through my panty liner and underwear. The blood was coming so fast I felt I could not get off the toilet. I called the advice nurse and they told me to go to the ER. When we got there we were quickly taken back. Less than 30 minutes later we saw the little peanut on the ultrasound and it was moving and the heart was beating. The ER doctor could not figure out why I was bleeding. I was sent home to rest.

We decided to do bed rest and yesterday went well barely any spotting only when I wiped did I see brownish/red blood. I also emailed my NP to let her know what was going on. She emailed me back today and agreed that I need to be on modified bed rest and we will reevaluate at the end of the week. So for the week I am home and on the couch. It's boring but I will do whatever it takes to keep this baby safe.

Scariest Day

Yesterday was the scariest day of my life so far!! Well, since my last post the bleeding had stopped and then Tuesday morning it came back. So we went back to the doctors and the baby was fine but they were not sure why I was spotting. So since Tuesday I have been having brownish reddish discharge and tissue appeared in the toilet. 

Friday it seemed the discharge had stopped and I was going out of town (3 hours north) for work. I had noticed a pin drop of blood on my panty liner in the morning but thought nothing of it. We got to our destination early and decided to have lunch; went to the bathroom before and all was good. When we were getting ready to leave I felt pressure and then I stood up and felt something between my legs. Ran to the bathroom and bright red blood was soaking my underwear and was all over the toilet. I was so scared because there was so much blood. I told my boss and then called wifey. My coworkers found an emergency room which was difficult because I have kaiser and was scared about a bill. I have only been once to an emergency room that I can remember and it was so quick. Well this visit was not quick. I checked in waited and hour to see the triage nurse and then 2.5 hours later was finally taken back after bleeding through my pants. I was so scared and alone. The doctor came in and talked to me; he ordered some lab work and an ultrasound. 15 min later the ultrasound tech was in the room looking for the baby. She did not turn the screen towards me. She kept moving and pushing the handle around. After 5 min I asked if she saw the baby and she said yes and I asked if she saw a heartbeat; she said yes. It was a huge relief. But why was I bleeding and why so much. The baby measured on time and its heart rate was 167. She said the baby looked good but could not find why I was bleeding. The ultrasound was a little cloudy because I was constipated. The tech also said my cervix was closed and measured 3.6 cm. The tech noted that my placenta is sitting low close to my cervix. The doctor finally came in an hour later and performed a visual exam. He also said my cervix was closed but he saw a lot of tissue on my uterus (I think) and was not sure why I was bleeding. He was very concerned and thought I should see a high risk doctor. The tech and doctor gave me a great exam and after 5 hours was finally being discharged wearing blue scrubs and a silky gray and yellow shirt... new fashion statement?? My coworkers brought me home. The wifey did not come and get me because she worked all night and she did not know where I was. 

Since yesterday I've only had blood (brownish red) when I wipe but lots of tissue. I am taking it easy this weekend and I tried to get an appointment with a doctor but no luck with Kaiser. I do have an appointment with the nurse practitioner I've been seeing. We need to find out why I keep spotting and keep passing tissue. Plus why did I have the big bleeding. I notice when I do more activity... Like work and walk around the spitting is worse.

Needless to say it was very scary and I felt so bad for my coworkers. I am glad that this baby is hanging on and I hope it continues to stay put and bake.

12 weeks

The We made it to the 12 week mark. I've not  posted for a while because I felt like such a Debbie-downer. Being pregnant has been so much more difficult than I thought emotionally wise. I have constant anxiety and am driving my poor wifey nuts. I will try to be more positive.

On Thursday we had an appointment and silly me thought I had to drink a ton of water for my first ever belly ultrasound. About 40 min prior to leaving my bladder was killing me and I felt like I was leaking. So I went to the bathroom and there was some blood on my little panty liner and when I wiped. Well I freaked out. Freaked the wifey out too. Thank goodness we were on our way to the doctors. I cried the whole way there. I was a mess when we got there. I told the nurse assistant and once the doctor came in she immediately did the ultrasound. Again my bladder was full and uncomfortable. It took the nurse practitioner a second but she found the baby bouncing around and  wifey says she saw the heartbeat. I started to cry and asked if she was sure. Since my bladder was so full she allowed me to use the restroom and when I can back we got another look and heard the heartbeat. What a relief. The baby is still measuring behind. This time by 5 days which still worries me. The NP said everything looked fine and we continued on with the appointment.

The spotting continued and then a piece of dark red tissue passed that afternoon It was small so i know it was not the baby. plus i did not have any cramping. i had a dark red/brown discharge through Saturday morning and then it stopped. I took Friday off and rested all weekend. I hope this does not happen again.

We do not go back till the 17th of July but that's just to hear the heartbeat no picture. Kaiser does not do the big gender ultrasound till 17 or 18 weeks  but radiology hardly had any appointments we don't go ti August 6th - 19 weeks. Can't wait.

Wishing everyone baby dust!!! 

I leave you with our latest ultrasound picture!

Struggling

Anyone else struggling with eating. I sure am. I will google something to ensure I can have it (like a sushi roll with only cream cheese and cooked shrimp) everything I read will say its safe so I eat; then later I worry and beat my self up.

Today, I went out to lunch with coworkers and I ordered a well done burger. The burger came and when I cut it in half it was pink. So I sent it back. Came back streaming hot. So I ate. I noticed some light pink in it (no raw spots) but I continued to eat at the end I was so upset I almost had a mild anxiety attack.

This pregnancy thing is a lot harder than I expected; I worry all the time. I worry about miscarriage, what I eat, what life is going to be like, etc.

On another note, while my wifey is happy about this pregnancy she is also feeling some anxiety. Like did we do the right thing and how will our child feel with two moms and will society accept he or she! Plus I think she is also struggling with the fact that its technically not related to get. She had the option and She did not want to be pregnant or to use her eggs. So we always continued with me. I've always wanted to be pregnant. So my wifeys feelings are adding to the worry.

Plus, wifey told her parents today and they were not to thrilled. Especially her mother who claimed this would not be her grandchild. Why was I the one having the kid. Her dad asked why we did not adopt so it would both be equally ours.

It's hard for me to see this perspective since my parents have been supportive. Plus, my dad is not my biological father; but he is in every form my dad... heck I even act like him. I do not believe blood makes you a parent or a grandparent.., love does. I just wish my inlaws or my mother in law I should say could understand this. I know it upsets my wife and it upsets me. I hope once the baby gets here she will feel differently. 

Ok enough rambling... Just had to get this off my chest.

10 weeks

We are 10 weeks tomorrow and today we had an ultrasound. The baby is measuring 9 weeks 5 days. 2 days behind... It worried me a little but the nurse practitioner (NP) assured me the baby looked great!!! 

We saw the heart beating again, little legs and arms and even little fingers. It was so awesome. The NP also let us hear the heartbeat again. At first the baby was squirming around so much that a flat line appeared for a second and my heart dropped but the. She picked up the heartbeat. The little baby was very active today!! Toward the end of the ultrasound she asked if we wanted her to predict the gender... we both said heck ya. From the start I've thought it was a boy. Well guess what she said she thought she saw 3 lines which means its a girl. We won't know for sure for awhile but it was fun to get this prediction!!!!

The NP ordered a glucose test for me... So this Saturday I will be taking it. I really hope I pass so I do not have to take the three hour  test. 

Well, I can't believe we are already this far. I am so excited and still a little scared. But I guess this will never go away... 

In other news I had 5 straight days off and only worked a half a day today. Not really sure how I am going to handle going back. My afternoon naps have been magnificent!! At least it's only 2 full days this week! 

Baby dust to those trying and thinking of my fellow sisters who are growing their little ones!!!

Grow Baby!!!

 We saw our baby for the second time today!!! The little baby has grown so much from last time. The head was clearly defined, we saw its spine, feet and the heart pumping away. The heart beat went from 144 to 176-180!! And the baby was measuring ahead. Seeing the baby is the best!! Our due date on today's picture is Christmas Day!! What an amazing gift! Oh and we have graduated from the fertility clinic. Time to find an obyn.

Also, I wanted to tell everyone I read all your comments and blogs, but I am doing this through my phone and have problems replying or commenting on your blogs... Sorry.

Here's today picture!

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms and moms to be!!! I can't believe I am in this club now!! It scares me. I go in and out of excited and scared! I am excited that this little baby is doing well inside of me, scared of making it to the next ultrasound, birth and then taking care of the baby.

I've been having some intense cramps at times and they scare me. But then they are reassuring because I hope they mean my uterus is stretching and this baby is growing. I've been over analyzing everything, including the ultrasound picture... comparing it to others. Will the worrying end???

In other news, my beautiful wife bought me rises for my Mother's Day!! And just for the heck of it... the second picture is of my handsome boy dog Jake!

Best Day Ever

Today's the best day ever!!!! This morning we had our first ultrasound. I was so nervous and literally shaking. The doctor was about 20 min late but we finally got to a room. Everyone keep asking me how I was and I keep telling them we will know in 5 min.

I could not look at the screen at first, I was so nervous and did not want a repeat of the first time. Soon after the ultrasound was in place the doctors said there it Jis and showed us the little flicker. I have to admit its all a blur and I teared up... I remember seeing it but it was a little difficult. Then he measured and technically I am 7 weeks 1 day and the baby was measuring 7 weeks. He the.measured the heartbeat and it was a 144 and then the best sound ever... we heard it beating!!!!

The due date is December 26th and our next ultrasound is on the 21st.

Update

So the nurse called back and was not concerned about the discharge. Since Thursday I've not really had discharge just brownish tissue when I urinate. It sinks to the bottom and is not very big but it's scaring the shit out of me. Does this worrying ever go away.

This afternoon I meet a friend at an outdoor mall like area for a late lunch and pregnant woman were everywhere. I want so badly to get to that point and have a big ol belly!!

I am still having cramps and they were pretty bad this morning, my boobs feel heavier but they do not really hurt nor are they bigger, my sense of smell is the same, I am tired, and I have had a couple waves of nausea but nothing bad.

Nervous

Last night before bed I went to the restroom and noticed a little bit of brown discharge. Got a little nervous. Went back at midnight; nothing. This morning there was nothing. At lunch I noticed some yellow brown discharge on my panty liner and when I wiped. I am freaking out and can't stop the tears. I am so scared. I called the doctor but have not heard back.

Happy Birthday!!!

Best birthday present EVER!!! My HCG is at 1800!!!! One hurdle down, the next will be May 10th - ultrasound! I am praying do hard we see a heartbeat. But for now... I am on cloud nine and truly believe this year is going to be amazing!

Feelings

I am feeling very emotional today... feel like I could cry at a drop of a hat. I hopes it all my crazy hormones helping this baby and not just the progesterone or estradol I am taking.

Yesterday I felt pregnant but was doubting my body, so during lunch I walked to the dollar store to get a couple of tests. They were completely out!!! As much as I question my faith... some force out there was telling me to trust the previous tests and enjoy the moment. So I am not going to test and will wait till Monday. It's been really hard and I worry about my low number; but I have to have faith. This little one is going to stick around; maybe I am just one of those that implants late and has low numbers. O just get worried when others have numbers way bigger than mine, so please keep your fingers crossed for us!

In other news... cramping has been more intense today and my boobs feel tingly.

Congratulations to all those getting positives... So awesome!!!

Waiting Game

First, let me say thank you for the sweet comments on my last post! I am so appreciative of all of you that read my blog and leave encouraging comments!

I still can't believe I am pregnant!!! I am excited but yet I am trying to guard my heart. After last time I know to keep it guarded! Everything is a waiting and worrying game. Right now I can't wait to hear the heartbeat!!

The cramping has almost gone away; occasionally I get a twinge and some back pain. Other symptoms include feeling bloated and the need to use the restroom but then only a little comes out. My boobs feel a little fuller and I feel "wet" down south (sorry too much TMI). I have had a couple times where I felt nauseas but nothing significant. I almost want morning sickness to help ease my mind that the little embryo is in there and growing.

On another note, I started my new job on Friday and we had a training in Southern California this weekend. My new boss does not know. When we got to the airport I forgot about the X-ray machines and was nervous about going through so I opted for the pat down. My boss looked at me a little crazy but did not say anything. I am not looking forward to it again tonight. I also had to give myself my own progesterone shots which was difficult but I did it!! I keep questioning the location I did them in; thinking did I do them right and where I should, is the baby getting what it needs.

The waiting game continues to the next blood draw on the 29th.

Results

Today was our second beta and it came back at 25. So we are considered pregnant. I feel really calm and positive about this pregnancy, but I am still a little nervous. I have another blood test on April 29th (day after my birthday) and then on May 10th we have an ultrasound. Please continue to send good vibes this way that this little baby continues to stick and grow appropriately!!!

Forgot, our nurse said another patient had a hcg level of 10 at the beginning and is having a healthy pregnancy.